Trying to figure out prescription drug costs you more in gas then filling up your 4RUNNER, and doesn’t make sense. For many drug tests have as much of a foreign language connection Drug Recognition Expert, as minging bathroom stalls at office PTA display offs or the “no for the LOVE OF GOD don’ spill my specimen” cringe, leaving us all with a giggle and a head meow.

Jerry from accounting how could we forget? Well, a gallon of cranberry juice in tow he was going to try and purge out every bad decision before the screen. Yeah, that didn’t work, he just discovered the wonders of an indoor bathroom. Every. Five. Minutes.

So why am I telling you this story? Drug tests seems kind of like those invisible art exhibits that just appear from nowhere. One moment it’s Sunday, and then suddenly there you are half a step from dignity protection, holding tight to a piece of plastic and boy what a nightmare if they take the greens drinkers for the second hand cigarette smokers.

Some folks think these are as random as Unicorns appearing in your cubicle. It’s true- they do much more than bring relief to the HR department, their need by a long shot is for balance in the workplace. While being sick to one’s stomach over said test; remember this also keeps everyone safe, less drama and HR doesn’t have to try and carry one the walking HR felon from last night.

But why so stealth like spy movie about it? Well, to start off; it’s just private info. No one is shouting off the rooftops what their cholesterol is so let’s keep the same tone with these tests too. Oh, and yet another funny part because everyone imagines that lab folk are creating a coffee table book about all the different people and jars dropped on the floor.

So finally as you are in need of or just poking fun at someone’s story. Just remember, when life hands you a drug test, pray it’s not a Monday. And please Taco Tuesday is a no go.